


Guns and Fics

by 36musie56



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Also on Tumblr, Arguments, Bachelor Party, Bachelorette Party, Breaking up and making up, Bullying, Fluff, Hamilcast, Multi, Polyamory, Requests, Weddings, i love Anthony ramos, maybe???, meet cute, one shots, pls give me requests, smut???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2018-10-21 09:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/36musie56/pseuds/36musie56
Summary: A selection of Hamilton one shots with a pun for a title? Sure, why not!(Previously calledI Am Not Throwing Away My (One) Shot)Requests are open!all of these fics are also posted at gunsandfics.tumblr.com so you can request them there too!





	1. Chapter 1

 

hey hey I hope you enjoy this sickening fluff

john is my baby ok I love him so very much

* * *

Jitters (Laurens/Reader)

* * *

 

" _Howdy! This is John Laurens' cell. Uh, if you hear this message, I probably can't get to the phone, or my battery has run out. Leave a message after the beep."_

**BEEP**

"Uh, hiya, hon. I just- I just needed to hear your voice, but, uh, I guess the guys have taken you off on some wild adventure. Um," You tap your fingers to your lips as you furrow your brow. "I guess, uh, have a good party. No strippers! I'll see you tomorrow," You pause, thinking of something suitably cheesy to say. "I'll be the one in white. I love you." You say, and hang up, smiling.

"So?" Your friend Angelica asks, coming up behind you and resting a hand on your shoulder.

"Voicemail. I guess he must be having a wild night tonight..."

Angelica giggles. "It's Alexander, Lafeyette and Hercules. Of course they'll make his bachelor party something to remember. Besides, this is your bachelorette party, too, and we're going to have  _fun, fun, fun!"_

"Yeah..." You say wistfully.

Angelica catches your eye. "Uh oh. I know that look. You don't want to stay at this party." She grins knowingly at you.

You sigh. She's right, you'd do anything to just be spending tonight, this last night before your wedding day, curled up on your rickety old sofa with John as you watch corny cowboy movies and feed each other Doritos and popcorn as though in the sickening honeymoon phase. 

Hey, what can you say? You're in love, after all.

"You're right, Angie. I don't, but..." You're cut off by the distinct beeping of your cell phone. You glance down at it.

 _John❤️,_ reads the screen. 

"Ah." Angelica smirks. "I'll leave you to it!" She squeezes your shoulder and walks off to join her sisters, standing a few yards away to give privacy.

You bite your lip to suppress a smile and swipe the screen, holding the phone up to your ear.

"Hello?"

 _"Hi, babe. Sorry I missed your call, I didn't hear my phone go off."_ The warmth in your fiancée's tone soothes you. You can already imagine the wide grin on his face.

"It's okay." Your eyes crinkle as a slow, steady smile spreads across your face involuntarily. "What have the boys got you doing? No strip clubs, I hope."

_"Nah. Nah, just a night around town. We're at a bar. Alex bet Herc that he can out drink him."_

"Poor Al." You shake your head. "Tell him not to drink too much, yeah? We need him sober for his best man speech tomorrow. He can't tell funny anecdotes with a hangover."

 _"Ugh."_ John groans, and you laugh.  _"Why did I make Al my best man again?"_

"Because you went by the logic that you've known him the least time, therefore he would have less embarrassing stories. Of course, you failed to realise that since he's your best friend, he would have the most embarrassing stories."

 _"I'm an idiot."_ John sighs.

"You're my idiot." You say fondly. A sweet silence follows.

_"...Can I tell you something?"_

"Anything,"

 _"...I'm...I'm really, really j-jittery and nervous."_ John admits. Your breath hitches. Him too?

"...So am I." You whisper softly. You can hear John heave a sigh on the other side of the phone.

_"I don't wanna screw this up."_

"Me, neither."

_"And I don't just mean the wedding. I mean...us. I love you, (Name), and I don't want to lose you, not for anything."_

"You won't. Not for anything. I love you too, John. And it'll be a lot clearer tomorrow when I see you at the end of the aisle, waiting for me."

You can hear the smile in his voice at his next words.  _"You're going to be stunning. I love you. Bye, now."_

**click**

* * *

 

The wedding preparations pass by in a blur, between people doing your hair, makeup, and helping you into your dress.

Oh, your dress.

You had to hand it to Hercules, he was an amazing tailor.

The dress was long, pure white and silky, and it clung to your upper body like you had walked though a delicate spider web. From your waist down, however, it flowed, almost like running water pooling around your feet. The train wasn't that long. There was a light lilac sash tied just under your bosom with a delicate gold trim, and you had a sweetheart neckline with sheer, off-the-shoulder sleeves. It was beautiful.

 _You_ were beautiful.

Your makeup was mostly a natural look, but your lipstick had a slight purple tint and your eyeshadow was also muted purple. Your hair was tied in an elegant French braid, with a lily tucked just behind your ear. You held a bouquet of violets, lilies and lilac.

You can't stop staring at yourself in the mirror.

"(Name)?" Eliza calls from behind the partition that hid you. 

"Y-yes?" You mumble.

"Come on out! We want to see you!" Peggy says encouragingly.

You take a deep breath, close your eyes and reveal yourself. The Schuyler sisters gasp and clamour in praise.

"You look beautiful!" Angelica cooes.

"You...you think?" You ask, mouth dry and palms sweating.

"Of course!" Eliza assures you. 

Peggy frowns as she notices your hands trembling. "You're nervous." She states.

"Yeah. I'm all jittery." You say, voice shaking.

"It's all going to be okay. You won't make a fool of yourself." Eliza says calmly, squeezing your shoulder. You smile weakly at her as the wedding march begins. The sisters get into line in front of you, and you are vaguely aware of a large, male hand wrapping around yours and guiding it to a bicep, in preparation to walk you to your groom.

Your cue plays, and you step into the room, catching a quick glimpse at the guests before your eyes are full of John.

It takes all of your willpower to not rip your hand free and sprint down the aisle into his arms.

The walk takes an eternity, but you don't even care, because he is _right there_ and he is so breathtakingly, mindnumbingly _beautiful_ that you can feel your heart breaking into pieces in your chest but you still don't care. You could watch him forever.

You love him.

His eyes are alight with so much wonder and love, and his smile is wide, happy and bright. His unruly curls are pulled back into a low ponytail, and he is wearing an immaculate black suit with a lilac tie, the exact shade of your sash.

As you get closer, though, you can notice the faint sheen on his freckled forehead and the slight tremor in his hands as they reach out and encompass yours. His hands are damp with nerves, but that's okay, because so are yours, your fingers threaded though his as he gives your palm a light squeeze. 

Just being near him calms you. Your jitters subside, and you can see that he visibly calms as well. 

Your eyes lock and your cheeks immediately redden at the emotion and devotion prominent in his gaze. 

"Dearly beloved." The minister begins. "We are gathered here today..."

You don't hear any of it, until he motions towards you to say your vows.

"(Name) (Last Name), I have loved you since the moment I first saw you." John begins. "I remember walking into my English class in my sophomore year, and all I could see was this girl with a (hair colour) head of hair sitting in my usual spot. I was ticked off, until you shifted slightly and your hair fell differently, showing me your face, and all I could see was this gorgeous girl. In my seat." The crowd titters and he grins before continuing. "I was always too shy to approach you, to which Alexander, Hercules and Lafeyette would tease me to no end, even after introducing us when I would even talk to you rarely. When the teacher assigned us to be partners in our project, I was sick with nerves and convinced I would quit. Until you gave me that beautiful smile of yours and I felt calmer instantly. In that moment I knew that one day, I was going to marry you. I promise to always love you and to forever stay true to you." 

You don't realise that you are crying until John reaches up to brush your tears away with his thumb.

You take a deep breath before smiling and beginning your own vows. "John Laurens, the second I met you I dreamed of marrying you. When Alexander introduced us, I remember getting so nervous that I had to leave early. On the day you finally asked me to Homecoming, full of nerves and holding a bouquet of lilies, I felt so happy I could burst, and I started crying. We've been inseparable ever since. I want to grow old with you. I want to share everything with you. The two children with the fat cocker spaniel and a house with a porch - I don't need those things, as long as you're by my side for the rest of my life. You are my everything. I love you so much, and I always will."

There isn't a dry eye in the room as you finish. John lets out a quiet, shaky breath as tears brim and slip down his grinning face.

"John Laurens, do you take (Name) (Last Name) to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"(Name) (Last Name), do you take John Laurens to be your lawfully wedded hus and?"

"I do!"

"By the power invested in me," The minister declares. "I declare you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

 

The last thing you see as your eyes slip shut is your husband's beaming, tearful face as you feel the weight of his lips pressed against yours.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

y a y  a request from my boyfriend 

Laurens/Jefferson/Reader/Hamilton all in a little fuzzy ball of polyamory

of course there has to be some conflict what with A.Ham and T.Jeff's conflicting views and personalities but it's ok there'll be a happy ending

enjoy babe 

enjoy other readers

* * *

We're Sorry (T.Jefferson/Reader/A.Hamilton/J.Laurens)

* * *

It was hard work, being in a committed polyamorous relationship with three people at once.

It was even harder when two of them had a tendency to fall out. Frequently. And awfully.

Alexander and Thomas never got physically violent with each other. But their tongues were more painful than any fist could be.

Their fights would accumulate with you sitting, sobbing on your shared bed as your other boyfriend, John, would cuddle you close into his lean chest and kiss your forehead as your fingers tangled in his soft puff of curls. All the while he would stare at the closed door where Alexander and Thomas's voices grew increasingly louder and more furious.

"Shh- sh, minx. It's okay, honey. Don't listen to them. They'll make up in a few." Came the soft words murmured into your shoulder as he rocked you back and forth, every time.

It was true. After every fight, one or the other would finally swallow their pride and apologise.  _'I'm sorry',_ and  _'you were right',_ and  _'I love you, I'm an idiot'._

**Every.**

**Damn.**

**Time.**

Well, not this time. You were sick of it, this time.

You wiped your sadness away, wriggling out of John's arms as he stared up at you in confusion.

"What're you doing, minx?" He asked softly, touching your hand.

"I'm stopping them, baby. They're so...so... _preoccupied_ , that they don't even notice what their fights do to  _us._ I often think...maybe we should leave. Just us two, John. I can't deal with this."

John recoiled in shock and opened his mouth to protest, but stopped, exhaled quietly and nodded. He couldn't argue. Alexander and Thomas's little fights were tearing you apart. The both of you. They both expected you to be on their side. And if you weren't, they would get sulky and pissy.

"Yeah. Maybe we should." He mumbled.

Maybe it would be good. For all of you.

You sighed, steeling your resolve, before opening the bedroom door quietly and discreetly.

Alexander was standing on one side of the room, arms crossed in annoyance as he stared Thomas down, who was standing stiffly on the other side of the room, fists clenched.

 _"And another thing -_ what's this deal with fucking _Madison_?" Alexander seethed. Thomas raised an eyebrow.

"He's my best friend. Why, are you jealous?" Thomas let out a short, harsh bark of a laugh.

"Yeah, maybe I am! You're dating  _us!_ Not him!" Alex shouted, shaking his head furiously as his dark locks whipped around his face.

"Wow, Alexander Hamilton admitting he has feelings. What a shocker." Thomas taunted.

"You-"

"Stop." You said quietly, but it was enough to catch their attention.

" _Love,_ " Alexander began frustratedly. "Tell him that he's dating us, not Madison. He spends so much time with him that it almost seems like he's in love with him."

"Don't be fucking stupid." Thomas scowled. "I think-"

"When I said stop, I meant stop." You said, a tone of warning in your voice. Thomas shut up immediately, giving you a concerned look.

You glanced behind you, where you could see John, pulling clothes from the wardrobe - _jeans, sweaters, t-shirts, hoodies-_ and stuffing them into one of the suitcases Thomas and Alex would use when they had business trips. 

This was real. You were doing this.

"This is too much," You whispered as you gazed at them with tears brimming. "You two - you're too much. We can't deal with this anymore, John and I."

You could see through the tears blurring your vision that their expressions were morphing from annoyance to shock, and sadness. You took a deep breath and tried to keep your voice from trembling.

"We're leaving. Both of us." You said, voice breaking and betraying your feelings. Both boys made a movement towards you.

"Love, no!" Alexander said desperately as Thomas let out a loud noise of protest. "We'll work this out. We always do!"

"That's the issue." John said with a voice thick with emotion, coming up behind you with the full suitcase and kissing your forehead. "You shouldn't be able to say  _we always do._ It shouldn't happen often enough for there to be an always. We're going." He ended firmly, taking your hand.

"You can't-" Thomas began. All of the pent up hurt and frustration exploded.

"Don't you two fucking get it?" You screamed. "You're too obsessed with this fucking feud that you barely even notice what you've got in front of you, or how it affects them. We're hurting, Thomas. Alexander. Every time you fight it breaks my heart a little more. We have to go. Goodbye, you two." You sniffled and opened the front door, barely even looking back.

John paused on his way out, glancing sadly back at the two, standing still with stricken expressions.

"We love you." He said softly. And he was gone.

* * *

It's been two weeks since you left. Two weeks of staying at your friend Angelica's house, curling up on her spare bed with John as you cry yourself to sleep every night.

You don't even check your phone any more. Too many messages. It was the same for John.

 

_Love: Sweetheart, please come back. That's all I want. That would be enough._

 

 _Afro Babe_ _: Baby, we miss you both. Please, just come back, okay? We've made up for good this time._

 

Yeah right.

You sigh, pressing your face into John's side as he mindlessly strokes your back.

"You two have gotta get up properly at some point, you know." Angelica comments, opening the door slightly.

"Might run into Alex or Tom." You mumble sadly.

"I ran into Alex today." Angelica says, leaning against the doorframe.

"What'd he say?" John asks as you raise your head.

"Not much. He's a mess. He asked me to tell you that he misses you and that he loves you."

You laugh bitterly. "He's married to his job, Angelica. And fighting with Tom."

"Actually..." She squints and sighs. "He got fired, you know."

You shoot up in shock as John lets out a surprised noise.

"W-what?" He chokes.

"They both did, Thomas and Alex. Their production has been really down. They've been too depressed and mopey to get any work done." 

You bite your lip and stumble out of bed.

"We have to-" You begin, but John is already up.

"I know." He says, stuffing the clothes you brought into a suitcase. "If they got fired...that means they really are in a bad state."

"We have to go to them." You whisper.

A smile touches Angelica's face. "Finally." She whispers, dramatically flicking her eyes upward in mock prayer.

* * *

 

You tap on the door, running a nervous hand through your hair and making it even more mussed up. 

John squeezes your hand lightly as the door slowly opens, revealing a very tired-looking Thomas. He blinks blearily at you a few times before focusing, and when he does recognise you in his sleep deprived state, his eyes widen and he reaches out. In a flash, you're at his side as he holds you both tightly.

"We're sorry...we'resorrywe'resorrywe'resorrywe'resorry!" He sobs. 

"S'okay." You mumble thickly, patting his majestic puff of hair, unkempt.

"Alex, get out here!" He calls weakly inside. Alexander appears beside him, dragging his feet. He too, looks terrible. He lets out a choked noise and dashes forward, wrapping his arms around the three of you, holding you more tightly and securely than you think he ever has.

"We're sorry!" He echoes.

You smile and squeeze them both. 

"We're sorry, too."


	3. Chapter 3

a request from dianaftop on tumblr! She requested three fics: this is one of them!

dianaftop: on the Anthony Ramos x reader, the reader (me lol) meets Anthony in school while she was being bullied, because of the readers height. 

so here it is !!!!

hope you enjoy !!!

~~pssst I had to look up what a school day in America is like because I live in little old Wales ^^~~

~~also I used the name Annalise for a bully because I know a really horrible girl with that name so if that's your name just replace it okay? :)~~

* * *

Safe Place (Anthony Ramos/Short!Bullied!Reader)

* * *

 

The school bell rings at 8:30, announcing yet another 7 hours of torture from your peers. You ttake a deep breath, steeling yourself up, and open the door. You groan as you see the crowd filling the hallway, all much taller than you. People are barging into you left, right and center, when  _all you wanted was to get to your locker!_

Finally, you arrive at your locker - _locker number 46 -_ and you freeze up as you notice something.

Scrawled across the metal door was a variety of insults.

_Shortbus!_

_Loser!_

_Nobody likes you!_

_Just go die already, midget!_

_Fag!_

_Slut!_

 

You look down at the floor, not wanting to let any of your abusers see how they had affected you. The corridor slowly empties as everyone leaves to homeroom, leaving you alone to cry silently. 

Quiet footsteps begin tapping down the hall and you involuntarily flinch, even though you know that your bullies would normally have shouted out to you by now.

The footsteps come to a halt beside you, and you turn away from the person, snivelling.

"Hey," A hand rests on your shoulder. "Are you...okay? Is this your locker?"

The voice, a guy, was nice. Soothing. You unconsciously lean towards him, towards his hand.

"Yeah. This is my locker." You whisper hoarsely.

"Look at me." The guy says gently. You reluctantly tear your eyes away from the floor and-

 _Oh_. _He's attractive,_  You think, and silently curse yourself in your head for noticing that when you're upset. 

It was true though. A puff of curly brown hair, tied back in a low ponytail, sat atop a smiling, freckled face in a way that could only be described as  _cute._ Cute in both a  _hot_ and an  _adorable_  way. He wore a deep blue polo-neck and tan trousers, and you stifled a smile when you saw a woven leather bracelet with a - _was that a turtle?_ \- charm around his wrist.

"My name is Anthony. Anthony Ramos. I'm new here." He introduces himself, keeping one hand on your shoulder but offering his other hand to you.

"...(Name) (Last Name)." You mumble, shaking his hand. He surprises you by raising your hand to his lips to kiss. You flush bright red.  _Who even does that any more?_ You think, but you can't say you didn't like it.

"Now, why would anyone bully such a cute girl?" Anthony asks, cocking his head in puzzlement. You blush even brighter. Surely he was messing with you?

"...I don't know. I guess I'm an easy target because I'm short and un-intimidating." Your voice trembles on this. You let out a noise of shock when Anthony pulls you into a tight hug, resting his chin on your head.

"...You can cry if you want. I don't judge." He murmurs. The waterworks start and you bury your face into his chest as the tears start flowing freely. Anthony holds you and rocks you as you continue crying quietly. When you're finished, he fishes a small pack of tissues out of his pocket and hands you one. You sniffle lightly.

"Why did you comfort me? I'm just a stranger." You ask shakily. To your surprise, Anthony blushes and struggles to find the words.

"I...I don't like seeing other people upset...but I thought you were really pretty so I really wanted to wipe away your sadness." He stutters. He takes a deep breath and smiles at you. "Hey - I think we've pretty much missed Homeroom, so we may as well get to first lesson. What d'you have?"

"Um." You pull your planner from your bag and squint at it. "Intermediate Theatre Arts with Mrs Miller."

"Eyo! Same here!" He grins, a dimple in his cheek popping. "You'll have to show me the ropes."

You find it in yourself to smile at him. "I'd love to."

* * *

Over time, Anthony became close friends with a group of people in your theatre class, Lin, Leslie, Renee, Jasmine, Phillipa, Daveed and Oak. However, you stayed his best friend all throughout the year. You were inseparable. He was always helping you, with your bullies, with your friendships, and even when you got into a fight with your mother halfway through the year, he let you stay with him and his family until you made up. He even took you to prom when nobody else would, despite Jasmine's blatant crush on him and her hinting that she wanted to go with him. There was only one thing you didn't confide in him with.

Crushes.

You know how cliche it is, but over the year, you managed to fall in love with Anthony. He was so sensitive, smart and kind that how could you not love him?

Now, on the final stretch of your final year, graduation is looming, and you still haven't told hI'm.

Wednesday, last period. Music.

"Yo!" Your lanky, over-the-top best-friend-turned-crush sidles up behind you with his guitar on his back and wraps his arms around your neck in an affectionate, backwards hug. You smile and pat his hand.

"Hey, Ant. My freckled babe." You tease. This was a joke between you two, in which you would call each other babe because you were so close and people thought you were dating.

"Hiya, babes." He boops your nose. "What's my favourite girl working on now?" He asks, reaching out to grab your music. You quickly snatch it out of his grasp.

"Uh-uh. I don't think so." You wiggle a finger at him. "It's a surprise." 

"Aw." Anthony pouts. "Can't I see it? I'm your best friend." He whines. You giggle.

"Like I said, it's a surprise, silly!" 

"Awww...okay." He scrunches his nose up and shakes his head to get his curls out of his vision. "I'll see you later." He kisses your cheek, causing you to splutter unintelligibly.

He takes his guitar over to the far corner where nobody else is and begins strumming, focusing completely on the guitar. You watch him for a while. Every now and then he'll look up, make a disgruntled expression and shake his head, muttering under his breath.

"Hey, Shortbus." You hear, before a hand tugs on your hair and pulls your head back.

"Ah-ow!" You wince and look up. One of the school bullies, Annalise, is smirking down at you with a smug expression. 

"Aw, has the little midget got a cruuuush? Sorry, sweetie, but he's way out of your league." She cooes in a horrible tone. 

"Leave me alone, Annalise." You mutter, but she scowls and yanks your hair again.

"I don't think so. Now." She glances at your music sheets. "What are these? Are you writing a song for lover boy?" Her eyes glitter as she swipes up your sheets and reads them. You gasp and reach out to grab them back, protesting. She glares at you, a cruel smile curling her lip. "Are you kidding? These songs are so cringy, Shortbus.  _Helpless?_ The hell kind of song name is that?" She giggles.

"Annalise..." You beg. "Please, leave me alone."

Annalise laughs. "Hell no. I'm going to go and show these to Anthony."

"No-no no, please!" You plead, staring up at her. "Please!"

She smirks and sashays over to Anthony, saying something to him in a low voice and showing him your sheet music, the piece of your heart that you had poured into this song.

Anthony grabs the sheet off of her, eyes scanning every line. Annalise smiles triumphantly in your direction.

You expect an upset expression to cross Anthony's face, for him to look disturbed, disgusted.

You do not expect his face to form into the widest smile you have ever seen. You do not expect for him to look this happy.

He looks up at you, halfway across the room, eyes alight and hopeful.

The bell rings, and you stand up quickly, trying to exit the room before anyone else. However - just your luck, some of the class gets out before you and you feel a hand grasp your wrist, keeping you behind.

Everyone leaves the room, including the teacher, and you're stuck standing with Anthony holding onto your wrist. You sigh and turn to him.

"Anthony..." You begin.

"I love you!" He blurts out, and you freeze.

"I...what?" You look up at him in astonishment, and hope.

"I love you, so much. Please...was that song that Annalise showed me written for me?" He asks, eyes pleading. A slow, steady smile crosses your face.

"Yes." You whisper, and Anthony lets out a loud whoop of laughter and pulls you close. "Anthony-"

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" He giggles into your hair, and you let out a short burst of laughter.

"I love you too!" You thread your fingers through his hair and laugh, burying your face into his shoulder. "I can't believe that Annalise...was trying to bring a rift between us...but she failed and just brought us closer together!" You say breathlessly.

Anthony pulls back from the hug and looks down at you, studying your expression. He seems to be deliberating something before he mumbles "To hell with it," and crashes his lips onto yours. You gasp into the kiss and pull yourself closer to him, thumb caressing his cheek.

The kiss is short and sweet, and he pulls back with a laugh. "I'm your safe place." He says.


	4. Chapter 4

Ooohboi

this is quite a hot topic for me because I'm bi and my mother does not think 15 year olds can 'choose' their sexuality yet. She also just doesn't get why bisexuality is a thing. 

Bear in mind this is also a woman who thinks that teenagers are too young to realise their gender.

ugg I love her but sometimes she's too much, you know?

 

* * *

 

Brave (Bisexual!Alexander/Bisexual!Reader)

 

* * *

 

 

You sat in a cafe, fingers drumming against the table as you stare distantly into space.

"Baby!" A loud voice called you out of your reverie, and you turned your head slightly to see your boyfriend of four months, Alexander.

"Hiya!" You grinned, standing up and drawing him in for a soft kiss. He gently nuzzled his cheek against yours as you buried your face is his silky, brown hair. You drew apart and sat opposite each other at the table.

"How's my favourite girl doing?" He asked, resting his cheek in his hand and grinning crookedly at you.

"I think Angelica is fine..." You teased, smirking back at him. He laughed.

"Okay, but how are you?" His dark, intelligent eyes probed at yours and you felt yourself melting under his gaze.

"I'm great. Absolutely fantastic." You fibbed, trying to put as much conviction into your voice as possible.

The truth was, you weren't that great.

You had a secret, one that made you nervous to even think about.

You were bisexual.

How could you tell Alexander this? Many people didn't even believe that bisexuality existed, for Pete's sake.

 

* * *

 

 

Alexander could hear the hesitancy in your voice and grew increasingly concerned, but decided he would drop it for your sake. If you didn't want to tell him, that's fine. Hopefully he could trust you to tell him later. He would be lying, anyway, if he claimed that he didn't have a secret that he couldn't tell you.

His secret was that he liked both men and women.

You knew all about the previous relationships he had had with Eliza and Maria, and the fling he had with Angelica, but you had no clue about his secret relationship with John, or that one weird thing that he had with Jefferson.

...We don't talk about that.

"Al. Aleeeex. Lexy." He jolted as he realised that you were talking and clicking your fingers in his face. You smiled at him. "You okay, babe?" 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I zoned out. What were you talking about?"

You rolled your eyes. "Alex...you've been doing that a lot recently. How are  _you?_ " 

"I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind with work." He said, internally wincing at the lie. 

You gave him a long, probing look and sighed. "I know you're keeping something from me, and that's fine, but could you at least not play it off as something else?"

"You're not doing any different." Frustrated, Alexander mumbled.

"Well, yeah I am - I may be keeping a secret but at least I'm not lying about it!" Your voice raised slightly, and Alex shook his head angrily. Truth be told, you assumed the worst. You were thinking he was cheating.

"You're making a scene." He said, unfairly as his voice was louder than yours. You scowl.

"Thats rich - you're talking even louder than I am."

"Could you quieten down? God, you're too much sometimes." Alexander shot at you, and immediately regretted it when he saw the angry frown on your face soften and your chin start quivering. He fumbled for a way to make amends as tears started spilling.

"Then, why do you date me?" You asked thickly, the words still venomous through your sobs. Alexander watched in horror as you tore out the door, clutching your handbag close to your chest like a lifeline.

"(Name), wait!" He called after you, voice cracking as he exited the cafe, following you.

 

* * *

 

 

Being a Sunday, the streets were crowded. Almost no chance of Alexander finding you in this mass of people.

You wandered aimlessly before deciding to catch the bus back to your house. As you sat alone in the near-empty bus, you couldn't help but think over your row.

You both overreacted. You were an overthinker, and Alexander was hot-headed. You had immediately assumed the worst, and Alexander hadn't helped by getting defensive.

You were sorry, but that doesn't make what Alexander said okay. He knew you were self-conscious about your extremely opinionated personality.

As the bus pulled up outside your usual bus stop, you thanked the driver and began walking dejectedly down to your house.

What would you even do? You couldn't mope all day, and your pride would not let you call Alexander and apologise.

When you got to your house, you did a double take as you saw Alexander sitting on your front step staring thoughtfully at a single red rose in his hand.

"Alexander?" You asked, incredulously. His head whipped up and he leapt to his feet.

"(Name), I..."

"How did you get here before I did?" You said, confusedly.

"Drove." He nodded towards his car, parked on the street.

"Oh." You paused. "Alexander, I..."

You didn't get to finish your sentence as he took a huge step forward and wrapped you in a hug.

"(Name), I love you." He mumbled thickly into your hair. You tensed up. In your four months of dating, he had never told you he loves you.

"I...love you too." You pressed your face into his shoulder.

"Do you want to know what I was keeping from you?"

"...Yeah."

"I'm bisexual." He says in a rush. "I didn't want to tell you because so many people have a stigma against bisexuality and so many people don't even think it exists..." You stare at him, shocked, before you give in and start giggling loudly. He looks hurt.

"It's not funn-" You cut him off with a deep kiss. When you pull back, he's staring at you with a bright blush on his face.

"I know, but there's some humour in it." Your giggles cease slightly. "Alex, I'm bisexual too. That's what I was keeping from you."

Alexander gazes, wide eyed, at you, until he cracks a grin and gives in to the humour of it all. His laughter is joyful and he grips your hands, spinning you around. You probably look like two fools, but you can't bring yourself to care.

"I'm glad you were brave enough to tell me." You tease him, and he smirks back.

"I'm glad _you_ were brave enough to tell _me_."

 


	5. Chapter 5

Another request from the lovely dianaftop!

this time it is: Lin Manuel Miranda x reader, the reader auditions for Eliza and they fell in love at first sight and song.

this is rlly cute omg

heads up: you singing is  _this,_ and Lin singing is  **this.**

* * *

Casting Call (Lin-Manuel Miranda/Reader)

* * *

 

All of the nerves you have been feeling for the past six months is beginning to build up.

Its finally the day!

You are finally auditioning for the role of Eliza in the London production of Hamilton! You had moved to London specifically for this reason around the time you heard that Rachelle Ann Go was leaving the cast as Eliza. Around that time, it was also announced that Lin-Manuel Miranda himself was reprising the role of Hamilton in the London production. You were so nervous. Lin had always been a major celebrity crush, and to find out that he was going to be in the show if you got the part...well, that was equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking.

It was a little shock, however, when the news came through that he had split with his wife because of the move to London. She hadn't wanted to bring up their child in a foreign country, no matter whether they had the same language and similar traditions. That was apparently hard on him, but he soldiered through it by immersing himself in the London production.

It's been six months since then, and he was back to normal, apparently.

You sit in the waiting room, leg jiggling as you concentrate on your breathing. As you glance around the room, you see so many perfect 'Elizas' waiting for their own name to be called. Some of them are crying. Some of them are silent. Quite a few are practicing their songs. They all sound much better than you, you think.

"Can we have (Name)? (Name) (Last Name)?" The casting director calls, and you take a deep breath, steeling your nerves.

Show time.

You walk into the audition room, trembling with anticipation. 

~~there he is~~

There they are!

A small fraction of the cast and Lin-Manuel Miranda himself are sitting at a table, X-factor style. His head is bowed over a notebook and his hair is obscuring his face, so you can't discern his expression.

"Hi. I'm Rachel, I play Angelica." Says a girl at the table, smiling reassuringly at you.

"I'm, uh, (Name) (Last Name)." You stutter.

Lin's head whips up as though he's been electrocuted.

His eyes meet yours.

An electric shock zings through your veins as his dark, intelligent eyes lock with yours.

You can feel yourself melting into a puddle at his intense gaze.

 _What's going on? Is it the excitement of meeting my celebrity crush in person?_ You wonder.

You flush bright red and come back to reality as you hear Rachel talking still.

"Okay, so first we're going to run through 'Burn'. After that, we'll do 'Best of Wives and Best of Women' to see how your voice sounds with Lin's."

"Oh, okay." You say, and clear your throat as the beginning piano wafts through the air.

Your eyes slip shut as you immerse yourself in the music.

_"I saved every letter you wrote me._

_From the moment I read them I knew you were mine. You said you were mine. I thought you were mine._

_Do you know what Angelica said when we saw your first letter arrive?_

_She said, 'Be careful with that one, love. He will do what it takes to survive."_

You pour every ounce of your being into your singing, not even focusing on sounding good, but focusing on making it as emotional as possible. As you get to the hurtful parts - " _You forfeit all_ _rights to my heart! You forfeit your place in our bed!" -_  your voice gets even more ragged and emotional, and you let it.

This isn't about sounding good.

It's about conveying feeling.

With your eyes shut, you fail to notice Lin's astonished, awe-struck gaze as you sing your little heart out. He is staring at you as though you are the most beautiful being on the planet.

You reach the final line.

" _I hope that you...burn..."_ You trail off at the end, letting tears slip freely down your face. You keep your eyes shut, too scared to open them, when you hear loud clapping.

"Brava!" Shouts a mans voice, and you open your eyes to see the whole table on their feet, clapping as though they never have before. They're all crying, but the men are a little more subtle about it.

"Can we hire her right now?" Rachel teases, turning to Lin, who jumps and looks at her.

"I wish. That was amazing!" He replies, and you blush realising that this is the first time he's spoken.

"So, shall we go through 'Best Of Wives'?" He asks, grinning and turning to you. You stutter at his direct address.

"S-sure!" You say, and Lin moves from behind the table and stands by him.

He's so close, you can smell his cologne.

~~is that creepy? you don't know...~~

The opening begins.

  
" _Alexander, come back to sleep."_

" **I have an early meeting out of town."**

Your voices harmonise nicely together, you note, flushing.

_"It's still dark outside."_

" **I know, I just need to write something down."**

_"Why do you write like you're running out of time?"_

**"Shh."**

_"Come back to bed, that would be enough."_

**"I'll be back before you know I'm gone."**

_"Come back to sleep."_

**"This meeting's at dawn."**

_"Well, I'm going back to sleep."_

**"Hey. Best of wives and best of women."**

 As he finishes, Lin looks at you with a wide grin.

"I think we found her, guys!" He calls back to the others, who are all nodding in agreement.

"But we have to see the others, otherwise it's not fair." Rachel pouts.

"I know," Lin visibly droops, and you giggle at his theatrics. He perks up when he hears your laugh and goes back to join the others.

"Goodbye, (Name). We'll be in contact if you get the part, and from the looks of things, you will. Everyone else we've seen sounded like a robot." Rachel wrinkles her nose.

"Bye." You say, grinning, and bound out of the audition room. You're halfway down the corridor when you hear a shout.

"Wait!" You turn around and see Lin hastily following you.

"Oh, uh. Hi." You stutter, embarrassed to be alone with him. "I thought you would contact me if I got the part later?"

"Well,  yeah, we will, but..." Lin seems to be struggling for words. "Could I...have your number for my personal phone?" He asks, and you gasp.

~~this is not happening~~

"Uh, uh, okay." He passes you his phone and you input your number. "Can I ask...why?"

"Because, uh." He flushes red. "I know I haven't really talked to you, and I don't know if you're dating or not, but I find you really pretty. Plus you have a great voice, and, uh."

You shock yourself with a sudden burst of confidence as you lean up and kiss his cheek.

"I'm not dating. Call me at any time."


	6. Chapter 6

 

_Request from awkward-silence-turtle!_

_A soulmate au with the reader and poly!hamilsquad (Al, Herc, John, Laf)_

_The soul mark is a star, and most people get the whole star instantly as they meet their soulmate, but for some reason, when (Name) meets her soulmate, only one spoke fills in...and it's the same for him, too._

_Enjoy!_

 

* * *

Five-Spoked Star (Laf/Herc/Reader/John/Alex)

* * *

 

 

Your mother says her star mark, the half star that she had had all her life, suddenly formed another half the second she met your father, and the same went for him. Your best friend, Thomas, swears that his star tingled and he could genuinely feel it forming on his skin the instant he met James. Your other best friend, Aaron, admits that his heart was pounding when he met Theodosia. Eliza promises that she got a fluttering feeling in her stomach the moment she laid eyes on Maria. 

If that was the case, why hadn't your damn star completed fully when you met Alexander Hamilton?

As soon as he walked into the near-enough empty common room, pen in his mouth and piles of books and notebooks encased in his arms, as soon as his gaze locked with yours, as soon as he froze up, hastily placed his writing supplies on an overstuffed armchair and crossed the room to you in mere seconds, work-roughened hands reaching up to cup your face, you felt it. The tingling on your wrist as the black markings pushed their way to the surface, the fluttering feeling in your ribcage, the all-too-loud pounding of your heart. He was familiar, despite you never seeing him before in your life.

In that moment, he kissed you, and although he was a literal stranger, although you had never even laid eyes on him, let alone spoken to him, you let him, kissing back happily because  _here he is, the guy you've been waiting for your whole life! The guy who was made for you!_

When he pulled back, intelligent, _beautiful_ eyes shining as he drank in the sight of you like a man dying of thirst, you couldn't help but smile back. 

That is, until you noticed the jet-black star on his wrist was _not_ a star. It was...two triangles. Two kites?

You pulled back fully, frowning, and slowly lowered your gaze to your own wrist. The same for you.

As you looked up unsurely, eyes locking with his, you said your first words to your soulmate.

"Why aren't our stars _stars_?"

And he had looked down, examining his star with a furrowed brow and his mouth set in a straight line.

"I...don't know." He had said. His voice was higher than you thought.

"Are we broken?" You had whispered, voice coming out cracked because _how could we be broken already, we've only just found each other_ and he had swiped his thumb over your cheek, catching the tears already beginning to fall as he let out soft sounds of  _no, no shh, we're okay, we're fine, I love you._

And you had sobbed and clung to him like a lifeboat, like he was your lifeboat, because you'd only just met him, only said two sentences to him and  _for Christ's sake you didn't even know his name_ but you loved him, he was yours, you were his. You were literally made for each other.

In the months that followed, you moved out of your college dorm - who am I kidding, you hadn't even set foot in it yet, you met him on your very first day - and into his little, college-funded house in town. It was small, but you were deliriously in love and you didn't even care what your living conditions were as long as you were together.

The second you moved in together, Alexander began research. Of why your stars only had two points, one for you and one for him.

Google had no answers.

Bing even less.

He Skyped with professors and soulmate scientists, vying for an answer.

It all came up blank.

Until one day, a year after you met.

You had just gone to sleep, curling up in Alexander's hoodie like it was your comfort blanket.

A blinding light awoke you, and you winced into the lightness as you felt Alexander frantically climb into bed with you, pulling you close and peppering your face with kisses.

"Urg...Alex...its two a.m." You protested sleepily. "We needta...go to sleep...got classes..."

"I've cracked it." He said urgently, lips trailing down your neck.

"Mmm...what've you cracked now, baby...?"

"Our stars."

That woke you up.

"Wha..."

"We're not broken, (Name)!" His eyes were alight with excitement. "I was reading this article online, and it was about this woman who only had two thirds of a star when she met her soulmate. Her soulmate also only had two thirds."

"And?" You were fully awake by that point, eyes glittering as he explained the solution.

"She didn't know why, until she met this other guy at her new job and  _the rest of her star formed._ "

You blinked, morning mind fogging over what this meant, until it clicked and your eyes opened wide. "You mean-"

 _"Two._ She had two soulmates, honey." He held his wrist next to yours and tenderly stroked your mark. "We've only got two fifths of a star each, so that means we've got three more soulmates to go.  _Three!_ That means there's five of us!"

"Yes, I can do basic maths, baby." You said wearily. "Five of us? What if your three remaining soulmates are different to mine?  It can happen that someone can have an unrequited soulmate."  _Poor Angelica. Why couldn't she have been one of your five soulmates, Alex...?_

"I..." He paused, pursing his lips. "I don't know."

"Well..." You grinned at him. "It's like before I met you, all over again. Searching for soulmates."

He laughed. "Sure is."

* * *

 

You spent literal weeks looking for your remaining soulmates, to no avail. 

Each day you came up empty handed, you grew a little more depressed.

One weekend, your best friend Aaron literally dragged you out of bed, grumbling under his breath.

"Enough with this trying to find your soulmates already. I'm going to take you to have coffee, and we can have a heart to heart."

He took you to the local cafe, buying you a (favourite drink) and sitting you down. You sighed.

"Alright, alright. What therapeutic methods are you going to try on me now?" You asked with a smirk.

Aaron opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by a loud yell.

"If it ain't the prodigy!" Called a man's voice, and three handsome men popped up behind Aaron. As soon as they did-

 _Oh._ There it was, the heart pounding, the fluttering, the tingling. Only much, much stronger. You glanced down at your mark, and grinned as you saw the remainder of the black ink pushing its way to the surface. Your star was complete.

You looked up at the three men who were jesting around with a very irritated Aaron, and frowned. You needed to get their attention.

"Excuse me." You called. The buff one with short, bandana'd hair glanced at you and held his gaze as he realised who you were. "What do you three, _my soulmates_ , think you're doing with my best friend?" 

That caught their attention. The other two fixed their eyes on you and gazed, transfixed.

"Oh shit," said the freckled one, grinning. "We've found one, guys." He walked towards you, grabbing your hand and raising it to his lips.  "John Laurens, at your service."

The buff one, the one who noticed you first, walked to John's side and placed a strong-yet-gentle hand on your shoulder.  "Hercules Mulligan." He said lowly.

"Don't be scared of him. He's a teddy bear." John smiled up at Hercules, leaning slightly into him.

" _Et je m'appelle_  Lafeyette." The last one, with a crazy puff of hair in a bun, came to John's other side and reached for your free hand.

Aaron looked between the four of you, a slow, steady smile crossing his face. "Should'a seen it coming."

"Oh!" You gasped, causing your three soulmates to jump. "I have to introduce you to Alexander! He's...the last puzzle piece."

"Lead the way."

 

* * *

Alex was, predictably, clacking away on his laptop when you got back. As you stepped in the front door and saw him, back turned, you could see Lafeyette, John and Hercules visibly freeze up. You grinned.

"Alex..." You said, voice sweet as sugar.

"Hmmm?" He let out a vague noise of acknowledgement.

"I have some people you need to meet."

"Ah, um. Honey, can it wait? I've really got to do this paper..."

"Baby, you've got two weeks to finish that paper and you're halfway through already. Take a break." When this gets no response, you sigh. "I found them, Alex. They're right here."

"Who are?" 

"Our other soulmates."

Alexander jolts as though your words have pierced him, and spins around in his wheelie chair faster than you can say  _seven-eight-nine._ He gets up as though in a trance, and before you know it you are crushed in a huge, five-way hug.

"Our stars are finished," He mumbles thickly. "We're not broken."

"We're not." You agree, sniffling.

The hug is drawn back, and you stand, grinning, between them as they all introduce themselves.

You feel happier than you ever have in your life.

 

* * *

 

_Kinda feel like doing a sequel to this._

_I'll tell you what, if this gets enough reblogs, captioned with something along the lines of 'Please do a sequel', I will._


	7. Chapter 7

 

_Another request from dianaftop!_

_This time, they asked for an angsty Anthony Ramos/Reader, but I'm not going to show their request because it'd spoil it._

_All you need to know is that Reader plays Peggy|Maria and she's already in an established relationship with Ant._

_Enjoy._

_I wrote this at school so enjoy !!!_

_This made me blubber like a baby to write._

* * *

Schuyler Defeated (Anthony Ramos/Reader)

* * *

 

This was supposed to be a big production.

It was Anthony's last performance, and let's be honest, as you were sitting in his dressing room with him, preparing to go on for the opening act, he was more nervous than you've ever seen him.

"What if I fuck up?" He mumbled stressedly, fingers raking through his abundance of curls. You reached up and rested your palm against his, holding his hand and pulling it away from his hair, kissing his fingertips.

"You won't. You've been doing this show since it started. And I know that you're going to go out with a bang." You grinned at him, booping his nose. He smiled a little, a strained smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Hey, (Name)."

"Mmm?"

 _"She was a (light/dark)-skinneded Puerto-Rican Dominican, long hair, mature in the body like, whoa."_ He sang softly to you, cheekily pinching your backside. You gasped and giggled.  _"That's not the only reason I liked her, though."_

You leaned in with a grin and kissed him, lips lightly moving against each other in a slow and sweet fashion.

"I love you." He said with a soft sigh.

"I love you more." 

"Showtime, showtime!" Called a voice from outside the room, and Groff poked his head through the doorway. "Are you two decent, because we've gotta go up!"

Anthony was up in a flash, and he held out a hand to help you up.

His eyes locked with yours. "Showtime."

* * *

 

 _"We fought with him."_ Called out Daveed and Oak.

 _"Me? I died for him."_ Anthony stated, firm look on his face.

 _"Me? I trusted him."_ Said Chris.

Then it was your turn.

 _"Me? I loved him."_ You chorused with Renee and Phillipa.

 _"And me?"_ Leslie took centre stage. " _I'm the_ damn fool  _that shot him."_

_"There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait! Alexander Hamilton!"_

And the lights dimmed out to raucous applause.

* * *

You watched from the wings as your boyfriend lit up the whole stage. Of course, he was nervous at first, but once he got his bearings, he threw himself into the role like a catapult. It made your heart ache with how much you loved him.

" _Rise up! When you're livin' on your knees you rise up! Tell your brother that he's gotta rise up! Tell your sister that she's gotta rise up!"_ He turned his head to the wings, caught sight of you watching and subtly blew a kiss while winking in your direction. You blushed red and pretended to catch the kiss.

"Love you." You whispered.

" _Love you more."_ He mouthed.

You heard footsteps coming up behind you and turned to see Lin.

"Oh-hey, Lin." You said quietly.

"Alright?" He grinned at you, ruffling your hair to your protest.

"Agh- Lin, I gotta go up in just a few songs!" You whined quietly. Lin laughed, and chucked your chin.

"Make me proud out there, kiddo."

* * *

 

Finally, it was your turn. The happy, jazzy drums began.

 _"_ _There’s nothing rich folks love more,"_ Leslie sang.

_"Than going downtown and slummin’ it with the poor_

_They pull up in their carriages and gawk_

_At the students in the common_

_Just to watch them talk_

_Take Philip Schuyler: the man is loaded_

_Uh-oh, but little does he know that_

_His daughters, Peggy, Angelica, Eliza_

_Sneak into the city just to watch all the guys at—"_

**_"Work, work!"_** The ensemble chorused.

_"Angelica!"_

_"Eliza!"_

_"And Peggy!"_ You bounced onto stage with the energy and vigor that everyone expects Peggy to have, wide grin on your face as you caught sight of your boyfriend.

_"The Schuyler sisters!"_

_"Angelica."_

_"Peggy!"_

_"Eliza!"_

**_"Work!"_ **

_"Daddy said to be home by sundown!"_ You called after Renee and Pippa, catching their arms.

 _"Daddy doesn't need to know."_ Renee dismissed you.

 _"Daddy said not to go downtown!"_ You protested.

 _"Like I said, you're free to go."_ Pippa laughed, pressing the tip of her finger to your nose.

_"But look around, look around!_

_The revolution's happening in New York!"_ Renee called, spinning around.

"New York!"

You were twirling, dazzling the stage, dancing and enchanting.

The crowd went wild.

Everyone was so engaged by your performance that nobody noticed the dark figure, three rows back.

Nobody noticed the gun they pulled from their coat pocket.

Nobody noticed as they raised their arm, slowly, focusing the aim on you, stunning in your lemon-yellow dress. A perfect target.

"Whoo! _There's nothing like summer in the-"_

**BOOM.**

All was quiet.

A collective gasp sounded.

The world slowed as you fell to the ground.

You didn't even register the pain or the sticky warm blood that flooded your bodice.

Someone - a man - screamed your name. As did many others. Cast, crowd, production teams.

_"(Name), **NO!"**_

You looked up.

Anthony was the one who screamed.

"No...nonono no no fuck no no!" He collapsed to his knees beside you, gathering you into his arms.

You gasped.

You couldn't breathe.

It hurt.

It _killed._

"Fuck fuck fuck baby, you're okay. You're gonna be fine." He promised, tears falling as he clutched your hand like a lifeline. The cast crowded around you, pale as sheets.

"I called an ambulance!" Karen shrieked from the wings.

"Did you hear that? An ambulance is coming. You're gonna be fine."

"Mmmph...A-Anthony...?" You shudder, coughing. Anthony let out a barely concealed sob as a slight dribble of blood dripped from the corner of your colourless lips.

"Yeah? Babe, I'm right here."

"I love you, you know." you whisper hoarsely.

"I love you too, you know I do." He said frantically, pulling you even closer. "In fact - in fact I..." He paused, shaking his head and burying his face in your hair.

"You...?"

"I want to marry you." He mumbled into your hair before pulling back and retracting a velvet box from his blue jacket pocket, much to the shock and sadness of the rest of the cast. They could tell that it was a lost cause. "Will you marry me?"

You smiled up at him weakly. "Yes." You whispered. Anthony grinned at you, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours.

He knew.

He knew as soon as he did that something was wrong.

You were cold.

Far too cold.

" _No."_ He whispered against your lips. "No, no no no."

It was too late.

The ambulance came, and they only confirmed what they feared.

You were dead.

They covered you up in a body bag.

Anthony didn't move a muscle.

"No. No no no."

His frenzied mumbling was echoed by the sobs of your castmates and production teams.

 

Anthony never took a job in theatre again.


	8. personal update + why i haven't uploaded anything

Er...long time no see.

I'm going to be upfront. I'm sucky with keeping stories going, I know. I'm so sorry.  
  
I've not been updating due to my GCSEs - which I finished about two months ago, so I can't really use it as an excuse.  
Well, that's why I wasn't updating at first.  
  
The second reason, and the reason I haven't updated for months on end - years, for some of my works, is due to unresolved depression and suicidal issues that have been eating me up. I can't even get the motivation to get out of bed. I'm only just 16, and I know it's no excuse. But it shouldn't be this bad, right?  
  
It's getting better, though. I told my parents about the depression and suicidal thoughts last month, and they agree that I have it. My mother is a nurse and my dad suffered from depression too, so I can trust their judgement. I'm lucky that they're supportive. I'm in a better place now, and I want to start writing again. It was always the one thing that gave me joy, the joy of creation. I don't want to let any of you down, everyone here who has been so supportive and such avid readers.

I've been suffering for at least 5 years. I found a journal from when I was twelve where the pages were just scribbled on saying 'I want to die' over and over again. I self harmed at the age of thirteen. I need to get myself together, and I'm on the track to doing that.

I love you all a lot and I am so sorry. I can't even express it.  
Some of my works were written when I was 14 and they need revising completely. I'm going to update everything ongoing I have with this message, including blogs.  
  
Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. You're all wonderful and I'm so sorry I let you all down. I hope none of you are mad at me, or think I'm faking. I'd like to hear from you all. I'm going to make more of an effort. Thank you <3


End file.
